Raison D'etre

I've got a little bit of the writing bug on my hands tonite. It doesn't show up very often these days. I suppose sometimes that is a good thing. I've been having a lot of thoughts lately about where people, more honestly, where I fit into the big picture. I just mean pertaining to life here, not in an after life sort of way. There's such fuzzy logic most of the time as to what we are meant to be or how we are meant to look. I think with so much media and brainwashing, it becomes very easy to forget what real life is. It becomes very easy to think that you are meant to look like women on magazine covers or fit into a size 1 pair of jeans. That you should never have days where you don't look airbrushed and that your hair should always fall just so. I guess lately i've been trying to put myself in my place; to decide exactly what it is I am truely MEANT to be and not what cookie cutter shape i've been trying to wedge myself into. I was given this form and this brain to work with-nothing more and nothing less. I'm not belittling myself certainly. That would be ignorant and ungrateful...but to always expect more out of myself when it's not there would be equally as foolish. It's not always easy to accept what you are. It is much easier to always be working toward becoming something else. Working toward a new shape or style. Attempting to better yourself just so you can be something other than what you are. I am in no way saying that is wrong to move forward...but it's wrong to do it just so you can be LIKE something or someone else. I find myself comparing what i am to what others are. I think that's probably the only way that you actually get a view of yourself. if you had nothing to compare yourself to, how would you know? how would you know you were smart unless there were people smarter or less educated than you? how would you know what beautiful was unless there was also normality? I realize that there have to be every day people-the filler. It's not that they are any less important, but they aren't what is noticed by the mass. they are the people that are in the backgrounds of pictures and passing you on the street. I came to the conclusion that it is ok to just be ordinary; to never be the highlight of a story or the beauty in a photograph. Ordinary is just the day in and day out of life. I think that's really where i fall, and I'm ok with that. Ordinary is getting up with a two year old and watching disney movies while perusing your social networks that keep you connected to the outside world. It's not ever putting on a fancy dress or curling your hair to go out. It's letting go of friends that always expect you to have those exciting stories about your conquests and spotlight moments from the evening before because you don't live that life style. Ordinary people will lead lives that no one writes about in a memoir. They won't remembered from their photographs 200 years from now, they're just the cousins of someone impressive or the friend of someone who did something. That's not to say ordinary people can't do extraordinary things. However, outside the people who love them, it won't be seen as anything special or interesting. It's the orinary people-or the filler- who hold everything else together. I think we're meant to be the people who push the extraordinary people around us to do the things they will be remembered for. We're the ones who devote ourselves to helping them move forward and reach their potential. I would hope that if i were remembered for something, it would be the love i have for my family; Not the way that I look or what I know. I think that would be something. I'm just a normal girl. I look ordinary, I'm not brilliant, I don't have some amazing skill to offer, but I have an overwhelming love for my husband and son that could never be broken or damaged. It never falters. that is where this ordinary girl is extraordinary. That's what I have to offer. That is why I am here.